A week ago, this happened and it is all true.
Wednesday night. Its 7:50 pm. I’m writing to you with pen and paper in my green teal Capacities Unleashed Journal. 3 hours ago, I arrived here, at my friend’s house; where I was spending the night, to find that my laptop was missing.
Prior to arriving here, I was running errands; delivering WholeLife magazines around town, picking up dog food, and dropping off my dog at my parents.
Do you know that feeling when something is lost, and you scramble and scrape through your mind, trying to remember where it is? Your gut is tight, head is spinning, jaw is clenched. Perhaps you find yourself muttering “OMG’s” and “WTF’s” and wonder where the hell could it be. And then the brain spins with pictures from the day; snapshots of the adventures of you and your laptop; looking for a clue, a hint, a yes, for where it is. Have you had those moments?
A Rewind of Snapshots
Earlier: I rolled into the parking lot, put the windows down in the backseat of my car, so my dog could enjoy the fresh spring air on this mud melting slushy dirty day.
The mind: OMG someone took it from my car. My dog would have welcomed their thieving hands through the window as they stole my laptop. More spin. More contraction. Maybe I left it at home? (It was a fleeting thought).
Like I mentioned, I am spinning through all of this at my friend’s house; which is miles away from my home and wondering where my laptop truly can be.
“What is the gift in this moment?” was not a question in my mind. I’m not present. I’m not here. I’m spinning in speculation and altercations. It was yucky. Then money drama and more “OMG’s”. Freaking out that someone is looking through my documents and opening up files on my computer. Stressing about how much money a new laptop will cost. And 101 different thoughts in the hard drive of my contracted brain.
And all of this in 8 minutes or less.
I text a friend and ask them to go to my house and see if they can find my laptop. It was a longshot. I’m now helicopter parenting my cell phone as I wait for the “dots” to blip across the screen and a message to appear. “I’ll look”… (more dots) “In the porch”, they reply.
And then all my OMG’s and WTF’s melt and softness shows up once again.
It was in the porch. It was left there, right beside my brain lol. I could have gone back to my house and picked up my laptop. I could have asked my friend to make a road trip and deliver it to me here. I chose neither.
What is right about this I’m not getting?
SPACE.
What else is possible here that I haven’t considered?
NEW WAYS TO CREATE AND PLAY.
And that brings me here – with you – and my orange pen telling it all in my journal.
There was a time when all of my reflections and inspirations were written with pen in hand and the feel of the paper on my body as I scrolled words across the page.
I have not had this sensation for sometime. I turn the page of my green teal journal now and I’m on the top of page 4.
A pause. A belly breath. Hand to chin. Elbow on table. Rest. Breath. Receive. Creation shows up in the most interesting invitations.
My body has now slowed down. My belly is softer. The engagement of pen to paper. The absence of the speed and frenetic clicking and ticking of fingers to the keyboard.
I created this… the scattered sensation in the porch and the leaving the laptop behind. The judgment of me for leaving the windows down. The wrongness of the thief. The speculation of the worst case scenario. All of it unfolding as if I am the greatest Monday night made for TV Drama.
Now What: I will not go home to get my laptop. I will stay here, taking care of my friend, and in the spaces in between play with my business and creations in new ways.
What is right about this I am not getting?
Who am I being today? Right here. Right now. And what gift can I be today, right here, right now, to not just me but to the earth and the world?
My energy is more potent than any laptop or piece of technology.
My potency has a presence that cannot be lost or deleted.
I am a knowing, being, perceiving and receiving creature.
And I would rather date me than any laptop.
So my friends, what are you addicted to or choosing that is separating you from you, and keeping you safely comfortable from the change you could be choosing? (Bam, I would read that one again)
How is creation showing up for you today?
If this wasn’t wrong and wasn’t a problem, what would be possible and what could you choose?
Tomorrow when I get home, I will type these words – “as is” – and send them to you, with an invitation and a question.
WHAT ARE YOU ADDICTED TO… ATTACHED TO… OWNED BY… POSSESSED BY… THAT IF YOU LET IT GO, IF IT DIED, IF IT GOT LOST, IF IT LEFT YOU…. YOUR HEAD WOULD SPIN? WHAT ARE YOU UNWILLING TO LET GO OF?
AND IS NOW THE TIME FOR SOMETHING DIFFERENT?
See you on the flipside.
Christine